Saints in Extremity: How Matis and Mansfield's Trials Teach All of Us Universal Gospel Principles

A Review of In Quiet Desperation

by Jeff Bennion

Michelangelo's David¹ is a justly famous masterpiece. The famous Bible story of David's victory over Goliath has been depicted many times in art.² But beyond its perfect craftsmanship, Michelangelo's version reveals his genius by the particular moment in the struggle he chose to depict—David before his victory over Goliath. We can all admire the triumphant hero standing over his vanquished enemy—but can we relate to him? Seeing the hero covered with praise and glory may, in fact, serve to highlight the gulf between our own keenly perceived shortcomings and the mastery and courage of the inaccessible hero. What we need to see more of, and what Michelangelo masterfully depicts with his David, is how the hero vanquished his mortal enemy. Anyone feeling endangered by his own Goliath can look at David and see the way: calm, humility, confidence, but above all faith. One look at this David and you know—even though it hasn't happened yet—David will come off conqueror.

Without saying the book approaches Michelangelo on an artistic level, it seems to me that Fred & Marilyn Matis and Ty Mansfield teach a similarly helpful lesson in their book In Quiet Desperation. These lessons go beyond the particular, specialized concerns relating to the psychological and theological problems posed by same-sex attraction. Indeed, the concepts are of such universal applicability that those looking for specific practical direction or clinical insight into same-sex attraction will probably be disappointed with this book, because it contains little specific or new in that regard. On the other hand, anyone who has struggled with trials and temptations, feelings of isolation in the Church, or who is seeking to deepen his understanding of the ways the atonement and grace of Christ work in the lives of the Saints, will find a lot to like and learn from in this book. Through the struggles of parents whose child has succumbed to despair, or from the faith and hope of a faithful Latter-day Saint who continues to be affected by his thorn in the flesh, yet continues to find joy and meaning in his life, we can all find an application. These saints may not yet have slain their Goliaths, but their faith and resolution is apparent even before that happy ending.

The book is comprised of two parts. The first and briefer part of the book is an account from Fred & Marilyn Matis, the parents of Stuart Matis, a young man dealing with same-sex attraction who took his life several years ago in the heat the political campaign for California's Proposition 22. The Proposition defined marriage as between a man and a woman and was interpreted by Gay rights activists as anti-homosexual. Given the LDS Church's prominent official support of the Proposition and the highly charged nature of the campaign, the circumstances of his suicide immediately led many to co-opt Stuart's death for their own purposes. Critics of the LDS Church's position on homosexuality used Stuart's death at the time, and continue to do so, as a convenient club for chastising Church leaders. Some of them suggest that if only the Church would exempt its members with same-sex attraction from certain behavioral standards, there would be fewer suicides in this Church. From the other side of the debate, many reorientation advocates believe that Stuart and his parents' failure to find the right kind of treatment for his homosexuality is what led to his death. A few especially blinkered people believe Stuart got his just desserts for a perversion of his own choosing. We can add to the list, depending on the particular axe we wish to grind; in an accusing frame of mind there are plenty of places to point the finger. We might point it at a spiritual mentor who convinced Stuart that reorientation therapy couldn't help him.³ We could blame his parents for not hospitalizing him when they found out he had a gun and what he intended to do with it.⁴ None of these are very fair, but neither are the more commonly recounted causes either.

Tragically, we have lost Stuart's voice, and no one else can completely speak for him. It is impossible even for those closest to Stuart to fully understand why he made that choice. That uncertainty haunts every loved one a suicide victim leaves behind. And yet many who lack that familiarity feel free, with a breathtaking quantity of presumption and insensitivity, to offer their diagnosis and opinion anyway: Stuart the political football, Stuart the poster child for relaxing the Church position on homosexuality, Stuart the needless victim of incorrect therapy, Stuart the damned pervert. And so on.

There is no denying that the charged atmosphere around Proposition 22 was a factor in Stuart's distress. But those who have adopted Stuart's suicide as a rallying cry for relaxed behavioral standards of sexual behavior in the Church cannot demonstrate that this would lead to less suicide in general. In fact, what evidence there is points to the contrary. For instance, there is no evidence that practicing homosexuals living in more accepting societies have a lower incidence of emotional pathologies, including suicide.⁵ And the opposite circumstance, that a strong commitment to a demanding faith promotes emotional well-being and sexual satisfaction is well-documented.⁶

My own assessment of Stuart, equally uninformed and presumptuous as any of the others, is that he suffered from multiple, overlapping, and reinforcing pathologies, of which his same-sex attraction was only one aspect. I too can't help imagining scenarios where there would have been a happier outcome for Stuart and his family. Could better medications have been found? Might he have benefited from sharing his difficulties with a support group of like-minded men who support Church standards? Would more love and understanding of this issue by Stuart's local congregation have prevented his coming to the conclusion that he had to end his life the way he did? It's natural, I think, for anyone with compassion to ask such questions, to be haunted by what might have been. And if Stuart's death is a tragedy, such questions help ensure that it can serve a higher and enduring purpose, one which honors Stuart's faith and commitment.

But to dwell on such questions is to miss the point of the book. Whatever its cause, Stuart did lose this battle. How were Stuart's parents going to cope with this grief and pain? How would this affect their belief in a supposedly loving God, and in a Church they had believed was God's instrument on earth?

Dwelling too much on Stuart's tragedy obscures the more important lesson that his parents can teach us. The account in the book is not, fundamentally, about Stuart, but about his family. The book is about Stuart's parents' response to that awful tragedy. In the midst of crushing pain and grief, the Matises found their testimony of God and the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ strengthened. Their account is riddled with numerous accounts of powerful and stretching spiritual experiences. As they write,

During Stuart's last year with us, there were times when the grief we experience seemed so unbearable I could scarcely breathe. Yet time has shown us the great blessings the Lord had in store for us. And as challenging as the last year of Stuart's life was, there were loving notes along the way from our Heavenly Father to let us know that we did not walk the path alone. We knew that our Savior had also walked this path for us, and He did indeed know how to succor us.

After Stuart died, I sent my testimony in a letter to a family member. I wrote, "At Stuart's death we felt the Comforter strengthening us and carrying us in our time of need. And in our extremity, we found our Savior and knew Him as we had never known Him before. Our testimony of the gospel became more precious to us. Our understanding of the Atonement became more clearly defined, and our love for our Savior became more reverent and profound.⁷

That this happened was far from inevitable. It could have gone very differently for them. Being at the center of such a prominent tragedy meant that the Matises would have been eagerly embraced by the bitter brigades of anti-Mormons outside the Church, by political activists, or by misguided ark-steadier's inside the Church. And yet they did not succumb to any of these pressures, or sink into bitterness at the many hurtful things that were said about them and their son. Reading their account, it is obvious to me that the Matises were blessed with many miracles before, during, and after the ordeal of Stuart's death. Just not, heartbreakingly, the one they must have yearned for most ardently. The lesson of the book, however, is that we do not get to choose how or when the Lord will bless us. We can only open up ourselves to the mystery and timing of His grace and love, to be still and know that He is God.

On display in the Matis home, according to press accounts, is a painting of a young man climbing some stone steps. As he nears a light-filled opening, he reaches down to lift up some young men below him, still climbing in darkness. The Matises believe that this painting represents Stuart's ministry on the other side of the veil. Certainly that embodies so much of what the Matises have done here, in opening their home and hearts to those in need of hope and strengthening. They say that the apple does not fall far from the tree; if that is so, then the Matises may well be right about their son's labors on the other side, because he would only be mirroring their own here.

The second and longer part of the book is written by Ty Mansfield. Part autobiography, part doctrinal exposition, it is an exposition on the meaning and relevance of the gospel of Jesus Christ to the struggle he has had, and still has, with same-sex attraction. It is an honest account of a young man in the midst of his struggles, struggles that threaten his ability to stay faithful to his testimony. Some of the passages are raw and bracing, which has led some to call the book "hopeless."⁸ I think that is a terrible misunderstanding, but at the same time, it may not be the first book to recommend for everyone who is starting out dealing with the issue openly. There are other books that emphasize constructive approaches and happy endings with all tension resolved, that elaborate the what and the how and the clinical why of resolving homosexual behavior and feelings.⁹ As the publisher writes in the preface:

This is not a self-help book. It is not a clinical text: it does not set forth theories or postulate why or how same-gender attraction occurs. Rather, it is an effort to share feelings—deep and perceptive feelings—about one of the most difficult and perplexing challenges of our time.¹⁰

And, uncomfortably for some, Mansfield tells us that his journey is incomplete; his same-sex attraction feelings are not completely resolved. He even admits he doesn't know if they ever will be in this life:

I cannot say that I do not have the hope that the physical deliverance—deliverance from the nature of my attractions—will come at some point in mortality, but that may not be the miracle I receive… Though I can hope and pray and live for it. All I can do is open up my heart and my life and be prepared for whatever miracles He may continue to see fit to perform in [and I would add, through] me… The greatest miracle is in the continued chance of heart—the ability through the enabling grace of Christ to turn to Him without looking back, despite our trials and challenges, not in the absence of them.¹¹

Mansfield has not yet completed that goal. Starting out, we all hope any journey will be free of difficulties. It is good to have some assurance that there is a way through the high and narrow pass. For some, the way out may be fairly quick and straightforward. But most who suffer from this temptation—and probably from any kind of persistent temptation—will come to a point, when confusion, doubt, and weariness dominate. And it is for those moments when this book, and Mansfield's experience and insight, may be a life-changing illumination.

Many of us confront tribulations of some sort or another and come to feel like we simply aren't making any progress. We may even feel like we are getting worse. We may not know where to turn or how to resolve the difficulties. The traditional formulas of prayer, fasting, scripture reading, and everyday Christian service seem to fail us. It's for those people, of any type of trial or temptation, the quietly desperate, that Mansfield writes. His homosexual feelings may not be entirely resolved, but he does know where to find hope in spite of adversity. He shows us that the true basis of faith in Jesus Christ isn't what that belief does or doesn't do for us. The atonement isn't a self-help plan. Faith in it means aligning the unchanging reality and truth of God, confirmed by our testimonies, to the practice of our everyday life. If same-sex attraction is not chosen in any meaningful sense of the word, it is equally true that no one can create his own private truth. Our only choice is to accept or reject that truth. As Mansfield writes, echoing Jeremiah 20:9,

I feel the word of God is in my heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones and even though I sometimes long to submit to the passions of the flesh and pursue a life based on my attraction, I weary when I try to withhold my life from Him and I cannot "stay." He and the fullness of His gospel, which He restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith, mean too much to me.¹²

Some may look at Mansfield's situation and wonder where he will end up—particularly when it comes to the question of marriage. Some have mistakenly concluded from the book that Mansfield has ruled out the possibility for marriage for himself. That is not what he says:

We can place too much focus on… marriage. If we keep our focus on Christ, marriage will come when we are ready and when He feels it is time for us, individually. I've had to learn to place my life completely in His hands, trusting that He knows what is best for me. Until I learned to do that, I got depressed whenever I heard a talk on marriage… But I now understand that He will work with me, nurture me, and prepare me so that I can eventually be ready for it when it is right, whether that be in this life or the next.¹³

There is a very important distinction to make when thinking about the Church (and Mansfield's) position on marriage. The Church says that marriage should not be urged on anyone dealing with same-sex attraction as a technique to solve same-sex feelings and homosexual behavior. Indeed, many lives have been harmed by the blithe and false assumption that marriage alone is a definitive solution to same-sex attraction.

But just as marriage should not be considered a solution for those with same-sex attraction, neither should merely having homosexual attractions inevitably doom any prospect of a happy marriage. Marriage may not be an option for some who deal with same-sex attraction, especially at a given moment in their life. But there are many, many happy marriages where at least one of the spouses deals with, or has dealt with, same-sex attraction. Such couples rarely make the confessional rounds of the talk shows and media interviews, for why should they? They have no salacious story to tell, no particular agenda to promote—they are happy to live quiet, productive, and fulfilling lives.

Such a future may be in the cards for Mansfield, or it may not. Some are uncomfortable with this ambiguity. If he doesn't marry (and a successful marriage for people like him is always viewed with the utmost skepticism by the ark-steadiers), we are asked, then what is he supposed to do? Is he doomed to a meaningless life of loneliness and celibacy?¹⁴

From a worldly perspective, this line of questioning makes perfect sense. It is emblematic of its materialist, zero-sum thinking. But in the life of faith it introduces what I call a self-fulfilling dichotomy. If we are determined to see our life in such dichotomies, as if we have only one stark, binary choice between unending misery (and maybe even suicide) on the one hand, and forsaking our covenants on the other, then that is exactly the choice we will face. If we are determined to be one of those unhappy people who makes a badge of his martyred happiness, then our reward will be the trumpeting of our glum obedience. Or we may forsake our testimonies and find our reward in the plentiful but temporary eating, drinking, and merry-making the world can provide.

But the practice of faith includes leaving room in our lives for the hope of a third way, in the unfolding, gradual miracle of our lives, where the works of God are made manifest in the resolution of a previously insoluble catch-22. Faith means leaving our lives open to the possibility of the ram in the thicket, the unseen hosts of angels riding to our defense, the God beyond the whirlwind but closer than the still, small voice. It is in those moments, when we at last find what we thought was impossibly beyond us, that we finally understand how God truly can make "all things work together for [our] good."¹⁵

To put a label on it, to fix it permanently, to resign oneself to one kind of awful fate or another is to deny our faith in the power of God to make our burdens light and our lives sweet. It assumes that being unmarried automatically means one is unhappy, that only the married have lives with purpose and meaning, and that no progression or serious contribution is possible to the single. It denies the consolations of friendship and fellowship. In its focus on outcomes, it is blind to the beauty, meaning, and joy in the process of living lives of quiet inspiration:

No wonder Apostles and prophets have told us not to be moved away from the hope of the gospel, for hope is ‘an anchor to the soul' to ‘make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works.'

The very way in which… illuminated individuals ‘take up [the] cross daily' is a sermon in itself. They lead lives not of quiet desperation but of quiet inspiration, constituting what Paul would call their ‘defence and confirmation of the gospel.'

Theirs represents a tinier and quieter history within the larger and noisier human history, a joyful and reassuring drama within the more despairing drama being played out on this planet.¹⁶

No one claims that this faith, or the living of such a life, is an easy way to live. The starkest passages of Mansfield's memoir remind us that our God is a jealous God, and He will set all things before us and test us to see if we will choose him above all our other loves. There are no unrighteous desires, only counterfeit ways of seeking them. As C.S. Lewis writes, God "made the pleasures" and Satan so far has not been able to produce a single one. "All [God] can do is to encourage [humankind] to take the pleasures which [God] has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He has forbidden."¹⁷ There is nothing wrong with seeking companionship, for instance, but if that is more important to us than our covenants, then we will not be found valiant in the testimony of Jesus at the last day. As Mansfield writes,

Although there are good and noble and respectable people everywhere—religious and nonreligious, heterosexual and homosexual—that is not what true Christianity is about. Christianity is not just about being "good," it is not just about being "moral," and it is not about being "happy" ([at least] in the way society… would have us understand them). Christianity in its purest and restored sense is about being consecrated and sanctified; it is about being pure and holy; it is about "relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save" (2 Nephi 31:19); it is about becoming as God is and learning to live as He lives…

Loving another person and seeking romantic companionship is not a bad thing—it is a natural and divinely planted instinct. What makes homosexual behavior wrong is not an evil inherent in being attracted to one of the same gender; what makes homosexual behavior wrong is the simple fact that it is contrary to the purposes of God, and when people serve the creature more than the Creator, they are guilty of the sin of idolatry. [And] that goes for any kind of sin.¹⁸

Discomfort some have expressed from reading this book¹⁹ may be because, unlike David and Goliath, this happy ending hasn't been written yet. In that sense, the tale is incomplete. As Mansfield writes,

My heart is willing, and though I am weak and have challenges and trials, I believe that there is a place for me in God's kingdom. This particular challenge is still not over for me, nor do I know whether it will be in mortality. But with a "perfect brightness of hope" (2 Nephi 31:20), I will strive to live for God and proclaim His gospel… Although I do not fully understand what my place is in the body of Christ and the full implications of what will be required of me in this life to build His kingdom, I continue to seek to better understand that place. But at least this much I do know: The Lord is my God, and He loves me.²⁰

Mansfield's book is all the more valuable for that incompleteness, because that very tension is present in each of us mortals, and will be present until mortality is past.

The differing notions of what ‘change' really means in this context, as well as the unresolved nature of Mansfield's challenge, explains the surprisingly hostile reception of some to the book. Also the dangerous confusion of some, who believe that psychological cure or change of homosexuality is both necessary and sufficient to be saved eternally. Someone with homosexual tendencies may succeed in changing his attractions through counseling or therapy, Mansfield explains, "and yet that success will not exalt us if our lives are not centered on Christ and His restored gospel. A faithless person who ‘changed' his homosexual attraction would end up just as faithless an individual but with heterosexual attraction." Spiritually speaking, "works without faith are dead," he adds.²¹

To say this does not mean that Mansfield is arguing that psychotherapy and other approaches cannot be successful in helping to control and eventually eliminate homosexual feelings and behavior. What it does argue is that it is possible to be a worthy and productive member of the Church, even if homosexual feelings are still present to some degree. Of course, homosexual behavior is not acceptable and must be repented of, but we must distinguish behavior from feelings and temptation. If our temptations alone made us unworthy, then our chapels and temples would be empty, for temptation is common to man.²² People who deal with homosexual feelings should not be considered unworthy members of the Church until they no longer have those feelings. They are qualified for a place in the Kingdom as soon as they are willing to make a covenant to follow Christ and his commandments, to repent when they fall short, and forgive others when they do. The criteria for acceptance are not what one is tempted by, or has done, but by the keeping of one's covenants. The Apostle Paul makes a long list of things that disqualify one from inheriting the Kingdom. The list includes homosexual behavior, but Paul lists with equal force several other sins, including theft, fornication, adultery, covetousness, drunkenness, reviling, and extortion. There are many who may rest easy with the assurance that they have not committed adultery or indulged in homosexual behavior. But there are several other traits on Paul's list which are not so easily avoided. Can we so easily exclude ourselves from ever having coveted or reviled another? And yet Paul's language is unequivocal—any of those sins will disqualify you for the Kingdom. Paul says even some of you reading this fall into one of these categories, but more importantly "ye are washed, ye are sanctified, [and] ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God."²³

That is what qualifies a person for fellowship within the Church. Our sins and temptations do not define us, what marks us as Latter-day Saints is our having been washed and sanctified through the power of the Lamb of God.

At the other extreme, there are some who believe that Stuart's death, and Mansfield's unresolved same-sex feelings, demonstrate that the Church must approve and celebrate same-sex unions on the same level as heterosexual marriage, for if they had done so, wouldn't Stuart still be alive, and wouldn't Mansfield be able to follow his romantic and spiritual inclinations without conflict? Church leaders are no more free to modify eternal principles than the rest of us are. We can make choices in our lives, but we cannot choose to avoid the consequences of those choices, not even a "revelation" from the Church leadership will exempt us from that.

For instance, tomorrow the Church could change its criteria for temple attendance, allowing tobacco smokers, for instance, to receive temple recommends. This is rather easy to imagine, for this was in fact the case in the earlier days of the Church when the Word of Wisdom was unevenly enforced, if at all. And I have known many chain smokers who are wonderful people, who live consecrated and exemplary lives, who, on the whole, are much more Christlike than the average temple-going Latter-day Saint. Why should they be denied the blessings of the temple for a habit that is insignificant in the eternal scheme of things?

But even if the Church were to make such a change, it would not exempt the now temple-worthy tobacco smokers from the consequences of their addiction. They would still face much greater risks of health problems, and they would continue to be deprived of the full measure of the influence of the Holy Spirit.²⁴

And even thinking temporally, what we do know sociologically about practicing homosexuals does not show them to be happier, or better adjusted, even in very tolerant societies. In fact, there is rather a lot of evidence to the contrary. We know that those committed to the law of chastity, and with a strong religious faith, far from being repressed and deprived sexually, actually enjoy more satisfying and more frequent heterosexual relations than the non-committed.²⁵

Furthermore, people with same-sex attraction are not the only ones who have difficulty with the behavioral standards taught by the Church. There are plenty of members with a conventional sexual identity who still find the Church's teaching on sexual purity profoundly at odds with their inclinations. Witness the terribly common scourge of pornography among LDS men, or the all-to-frequent examples of heterosexual adultery ruining families. Such men (and occasionally women) may well have been born with genetic predispositions to these problems, or had early experiences that predisposed them to these sins. And many of them struggle with these behaviors for years and years with little apparent success. Just because they find it difficult (and often for very good reasons) to live the law of chastity does not mean it should be relaxed for them either.

Or, to pick a much rarer but even more dramatic example, child sex offenders are extremely difficult to treat, yet no one is suggesting, just because we don't have very successful treatments for the condition, that we change those standards. Obviously, same sex attraction is very different, morally and psychologically, and I'm not equating them—just the opposite, in fact—I chose this extreme example to point out that the difficulty of treating a condition does not on its own mean that the behavior should be sanctioned. Even if you concede that sexual orientation cannot ever be changed in anyone,²⁶ it does not automatically follow that the standards are wrong.

Some scholars have argued that many people identified as bisexuals have a more difficult time with monogamy,²⁷ and may be happier in polyandrous unions of varying duration, yet no one in the Church is (yet) agitating to reinstitute polygamy just for them. Rather than carving out individual exceptions to the commandments piecemeal as each constituency may demand in turn, it seems like a wiser course to seek ways to strengthen and support all those who find it difficult to fulfill their covenants.

And yet, despite the undeniable truth of the foregoing, our responsibility does not end with us reminding those with same-sex attraction of the standards of the Church. That is only where it begins. There are too many people in the Church with this struggle who succumb to despair, who are victimized and isolated, and thus too many decide to leave or distance themselves from the Church if they find their behavior, political priorities, or social circles out of harmony with Church teaching. Given the strong indications that this step doesn't really increase their personal happiness or satisfaction, it seems that a more fruitful—and orthodox—approach would be to exert greater efforts to understand, support, and strengthen them within the Church. Perhaps if these individuals could find love and acceptance within the Church, they would be less likely to fall into sin by seeking it elsewhere.

Indeed, this is the most important lesson of the book—in showing the way for Church members to be more loving and supportive. This should not be a book read only by and for those with same-sex attraction, or even for family members of those with same-sex attraction. Other books, frankly, fill that role better than this one. But for the rank-and-file Church members, who may have no personal experience with the issue of same-sex attraction, this book will help them appreciate the anguish and difficulty those with same-sex attraction often face, and then they will be in a better position to support and strengthen them. And not just those suffering with same-sex attraction, because the very same issues that Mansfield describes with regard to his struggle with same-sex attraction apply equally well to just about any trial or temptation. Mansfield's personal struggle is really a metaphor for all spiritual struggle. "In fact," the publisher writes in the preface, "this book can teach all of us, through real-life experiences, how to draw closer to the Lord, no matter what our circumstances or burdens may be."²⁸

One day at Church, I saw a woman in my ward carrying the book. I told her that Ty Mansfield was a friend of mine from when I was living in Washington, DC and that I admired Mansfield's courage and liked the book very much. She said that she had given away several copies to friends and family members. She showed me the bookmarks in her copy that marked where each of her teenaged children were in their own reading of the book. She said that she didn't know anyone who dealt with this issue personally, but she felt it was an important concept for her, her children, and those she taught in the youth gospel doctrine class she taught, to understand. She said that so often, we needlessly alienate people dealing with this issue by the very words we unthinkingly use, she said, like the habit many teenagers have of using the word "gay" as a synonym for "lame" or "stupid". She appreciated the book not only for the insight it gave her into the difficulties surrounding this issue, but even more for the insight and perspective on the gospel and the atonement that it gave her for her own, very different, difficulties.

Tolerance is a word we hear a lot about, and it is certainly a useful and important trait. In engineering, it refers to the ability of a material to withstand stress until it breaks. But as a community of Christians, we can do better than that. We should be united in love and joy, not mere forbearance. I remind my friends who complain of marginalization in the Church (for whatever difficulty or atypical personality they may have) that tolerance is a two-way street. If the Kingdom includes people like them (which it emphatically does), then it must also include the brusque, the authoritarian, the simple-minded, the provincial, and the socially awkward. This book is emphatically not a call for simple tolerance. It is a call for understanding, for compassion, for succor.

The Church places a great deal of emphasis on the life of the family. Most of the programs of the Church are organized around the nuclear family: husband, wife, and children. This emphasis is praiseworthy and proper. But very often, despite contrary counsel from the General Authorities, at the local level those who don't fit into that nuclear family mold often feel unneeded and unwelcome, not fully a part of the ward. These misfits comprise much more than those with same-sex attraction: single women and men, the divorced and widowed, the childless, and the elderly. It is obvious that they will need the "conventional" ward members for fellowship and strength: they without us cannot be saved. But I will say something bolder: it may be that we cannot be saved without them either. Joseph Smith taught that the most valuable spiritual gifts in the Church are effectively invisible.²⁹ I believe that all the gifts necessary to build Zion are already among the Church, but because of wickedness, blindness, and pride, they are spurned or withheld. And many of these essential yet invisible gifts are present among these "unconventional" members. Their contributions, I believe, are essential to the establishment of Zion. There are things they know, and can do, that no one else can.

"Will I follow Christ?" is the question each of us must answer for ourselves. It is the test of mortality, but it isn't to be answered with a simple yes or no, or even as a multiple choice. It is an essay test, one we write out with the living of our lives. As long as we breathe, it is incomplete. None of us yet is assured that happy ending, but with faith, humility, and peace in Christ, we do have the assurance that will slay our Goliaths.

Paul compares the Church to a house, with each member having a needed place and function.³⁰ This house can only be built by and upon the Savior, Jesus Christ. Even the strongest and most beautiful timber is of no use if it will not consent to be planed and placed where He wills it. And no piece of wood, no matter how knotted and misshapen it may seem at first sight, will be rejected if it will allow itself to be bent and shaped by Him, every member to be fitly joined by the Master Carpenter. Individuals each, cherished all. Everyone who submits his will to Christ's has a place in His Kingdom. Our God is the God of the Patriarchs and the Exodus—the outcasts, the strangers, the wanderers. That is the testimony that I bear in His name, amen.

Notes

¹Michelangelo's David was sculpted from 1501 to 1502 and is on display in the Galleria dell'Accademia in Florence, Italy.

²See Castagno's The Youthful David (c.1450), Verrocchio's David (c. 1474), Carvaggio's David with the Head of Goliath (c.1610), Rembrandt's David Presenting the Head of Goliath to King Saul (1627), Titian's David and Goliath (c.1545), Nicolas Poussin's The Triumph of David (c. 1630)

³See "‘In a Dark Time the Eye Beings to See': Personal Reflections on Homosexuality among the Mormons at the Beginning of a New Millenium" by Robert A. Rees, available at LDS Family Fellowship, where Rees quotes Stuart (identified by a pseudonym as John, but revealed in a footnote to be Stuart) as saying "It sounds like you are opposed to the idea of reorientation." Rees takes issue with this characterization of his belief, but then says, "aversion and other types of reorientation are not ethical" and then in a later exchange quotes Stuart as saying a friend of Rees' "really echoed what you and others have been saying about reparative therapy. I am [going to call a therapist] to see if he has any other angles that I have not thought of yet, but I doubt he will have anything new to tell me."

⁴Matis and Mansfield, p. 18.

⁵See a review of some of the literature on the topic in "Homosexuality and Mental Health Problems" by N.E. Whitehead, available at NARTH.

⁶My assertion is tentative, but based on two well-documented phenomena. The first is that more demanding faiths have much higher activity rates, most recently confirmed in an April, 2006 Gallup study (see here for one report on the study). The second is that religious belief and Church activity are correlated with better mental health (see here for one of the many studies that demonstrate this) as well as sexual satisfaction (see here for example). If the LDS Church has higher participation rates than average, and religious commitment is a predictor for general as well as sexual adjustment, it stands to reason that membership in the LDS Church ought to make one less likely to suffer from mental health difficulties, including suicide. A recent study in the American Journal of Epidemiology (2002;155:413-419) confirms this impression, as it showed that active LDS men (note the study was specifically men) are seven times less likely to commit suicide than average (see a write-up in the press here).

⁷Matis and Mansfield, p. 28.

⁸See Byrd et al, "A Slippery Slope that Limits the Atonement," though these are not the only ones to voice this opinion.

⁹For a good list, consult Evergreen International website's resources section

¹⁰Matis and Mansfield, xii-xiii.

¹¹Matis and Mansfield, p. 85-86,88.

¹²Matis and Mansfield, p. 67.

¹³Matis and Mansfield, 204.

¹⁴Parenthetically, Mansfield once observed to me that it's interesting that those advocating a change in the Church's position on homosexual behavior always use the term celibacy (fully intending the negative and miserable connotations often accompanying that term), but never talk about chastity. The difference in word choice inadvertently speaks volumes about the point of view of such advocates. Imagine talking about an exercise program only in terms of sweat, pain and fatigue, never about weight loss, toned muscles, and healthy heart and joints.

¹⁵Romans 8:28

¹⁶Elder Neal A Maxwell, quoted in Matis and Mansfield, p. 122-123, emphasis added by this reviewer.

¹⁷C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters, p. 41.

¹⁸Matis and Mansfield, p. 180.

¹⁹See, for instance, Stephen and Janice Graham, faithful Latter-day Saints, and enthusiastic defenders of the ability of those with homosexual feelings to master their feelings and behaviors. Though one might expect them to welcome the message of this book, they review In Quiet Desperation at their website and manage to completely misunderstand it.

²⁰Matis and Mansfield, p. 247-248.

²¹Matis and Mansfield, p. 194.

²²Corinthians 10:13

²³1 Corinthians 6:9-11, with prepositions removed.

²⁴See D&C 89:19

²⁵Marian Wallace and Vanessa Warner in "Abstinence: Why Sex is Worth the Wait" summarize much of the research. They write: "married sex satisfies the most—physically, mentally and emotionally. According to the authors of Sex in America, ‘The relationship between being married and having orgasms during sex with a partner was very strong. Married women had much higher rates of usually or always having orgasm. …Those having the most-partnered sex and enjoying it the most are the married people. … The least satisfied [with sex] [a]re those who [a]re not married, not living with anyone, and who ha[ve] at least two sex partners.' Marital sex studies by Redbook, the popular women's magazine, and Family Life Seminars found that not only did married couples enjoy sex the most, but that religious people in particular had the highest sexual satisfaction of any other group in terms of the pleasure derived from the intimacy, orgasms and frequency of sex."

²⁶And there is plenty of evidence that for some, at least, it can be changed. In fact, most studies of the success of reorientation therapy show it to be about as successful as many other mental health treatments, or even other medical procedures. This does not mean, however, that everyone can change his sexual orientation, or that one who has (so far) failed to change his orientation is a moral failure, any more than we would consider someone who had an unsuccessful kidney transplant to be a bad or lazy person. We would only do that if he failed to try solving his medical problem in the first place. Church leaders have taught that even though the temptation may remain throughout life, it is still possible to live worthy.

²⁷Kurtz, Stanley in "Here Come the Brides", The Weekly Standard, Volume 011, Issue 15. Kurtz writes, summarizing the position of Elizabeth Emens, who advocates acceptance of non-monogamy for bisexuals, "By discovering and accepting our own desires for multiple sexual partners, then even those who remain monogamous would abandon their prejudice against polyamorists. Of course some people fall at the extreme ends of these continuums. Some folks are intensely monogamous, for example. But by the same token, others are intensely polyamorous. Whether for biological or cultural reasons, says Emens, some folks simply cannot live happily without multiple simultaneous sexual partners. And for those people, Emens argues, our current system of marriage is every bit as unjust as it is for homosexuals."

²⁸Matis and Mansfield, xiii.

²⁹"The greatest, the best, and the most useful gifts would be known nothing about by an observer." Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 246.

³⁰Ephesians 1:19-22, and Ephesians 4:16.