Feature Article

Consecrate thy Performance
Elder Neal A. Maxwell
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
Ensign, May 2002

A Personal Introduction to "Consecrate thy Performance"
By John Alden*

I have recently been reading the biography of Elder Neal A. Maxwell. I have found in those pages a man who is remarkable partly because he was a real, approachable person—a fallible mortal who nevertheless gave his whole life to the Lord. Elder Maxwell speaks of his "ark-steadying tendencies," of not enjoying home teaching because he had a long-winded companion, and of finding Church meetings sometimes spiritually anemic. But in a lonely foxhole on Okinawa in 1945, as enemy artillerists triangulated his position to destroy him and his mortar, he covenanted to dedicate his life to the Lord and His service. His life was spared, and his service is a testimony to his faithfulness in keeping that covenant.

Nearly 60 years later, after a protracted battle with cancer that was soon to finally claim his life, Elder Maxwell spoke of consecration. He said:

So many of us cling tenaciously to a particular "part," even treating our obsessions like possessions. Thus, whatever else we may have already given, the last portion is the hardest to yield. . . .We sometimes even defend our idiosyncrasies, as if these protrusions somehow constituted our individuality.

Since knees often bend long before minds, holding back this "part" deprives God's work of some of mankind’s very best intellects. Far better to be meek like Moses, who learned things he "never had supposed." (Moses 1:10). Yet sadly, brothers and sisters, in the subtle interplay of agency and identity, there is so much hesitation. The surrender of the mind is actually a victory, because it then introduces us to God's stretching and "higher" ways (see Isa. 55:9). . . .

Having our wills increasingly swallowed up by the will of the Father actually means an enhanced individuality, stretched and more capable of receiving "all that [God] hath." (D&C 84:38) . . . Frankly, it is our prospective selves we betray by holding back whatever the "part." No need therefore to ask, "Lord, is it I?" (Matt. 26:22). Rather, let us inquire about our individual stumbling blocks, "Lord, is it this?"

The Church has few resources specifically for my particular challenge of gender dysphoria. And as far as I'm aware, North Star is unique in offering a gathering place for individuals who struggle with gender identity and who want support in living the Gospel and maintaining a Christ-centered perspective on their challenges. But even as I struggled for years on my own, when I have tried to consecrate my whole identity to the Lord, He truly has shown me things I "never had supposed." I testify that whatever our individual trials, if we lay everything upon the altar and let the Lord choose which parts He requires of us, we will find a "prospective self" with an "enhanced individuality" that is more like our Savior's.

* John Alden is a pen name chosen by the author. Occasionally, contributors may choose to use pen names for personal or professional reasons. In such cases, North Star will so indicate upon publication.

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