Community Voices

My Eyes Were Opened

By Nichole Trone
Gladstone, Oregon, USA

In the past year, my eyes have been opened by the relationships I have with those who experience same-sex attraction. Becoming aware of this challenge has changed my life completely; the Lord has given me an increased capacity to love others and be accepting of things that I do not understand. I have learned to see people for who they are, not the temptations they experience or the trials they are given. Hyrum Smith said, "Charity is the ability to separate the man from the things he does." And I would also add that it is the ability to separate the person from the temptations they experience. I am learning to do this as the Lord teaches me through the wonderful individuals in my life who deal with SSA.

The first person to disclose to me that he deals with same-sex attraction was my boyfriend, John. On the way to the airport, he broke the news to me; it sounded like he was telling me that he was terminally ill. I felt like my world had crashed down around me, like someone had played a cruel joke on my happiness. The whole thing seemed so unfair to him and to me. In that painful moment, I could see no solution to what I saw as a "problem" that was getting in the way of our happiness. It was a complete reality shift as the perfect guy that I had built up in my mind suddenly wasn't who I thought he was and the relationship that I had imagined was so mutual turned out to be fairly one-sided and extremely fragile.

That night I knelt by my bed and prayed harder than I had prayed in a long time. I sobbed and begged the Lord for some kind of resolution. I thought that if I asked sincerely enough, John would eventually feel differently and we could be together. I remember making bargains with the Lord - that if I sacrificed something big enough, maybe He would take this burden away from John. I feebly added at the end of my prayer, "all according to Thy will," and hoped that I could accept whatever the Lord intended for us.

After that monumental day, I wasn't content to remain ignorant about this challenge which was new to me. Being a very proactive person, I read as much as I could get my hands on for the next couple of weeks. The more I read, the more I understood that this is not something John, or any other person, would have chosen for himself. Even more importantly, though, I saw that John is not defined by his attractions. Before I knew about him, I ignorantly assumed that people who deal with same-sex attraction essentially choose to do so. No one I knew or loved had SSA (or so I thought), so I assumed the worst about it, until it became personal.

After John, my eyes were opened to the fact that I cannot presume that I understand someone else's trials, but I can love them regardless. I thought of the words of one of my favorite hymns, "Lord I will Follow Thee" and realized that in every one of us there is "sorrow that the eye can't see." I couldn't perceive that John deals with same-sex attraction without him telling me, and once he did I realized that I needed to be much more compassionate. We all have diverse challenges. We all need the Lord's help.

Not too long after that, I felt like I was fairly reconciled to the whole situation. Many more of my friends had confided in me that they deal with SSA (almost all of my male friends, in fact), and I spent much of my free time with them. I know the spirit was directing me to continue my friendships with these good men because they uplifted me. Their strong spirits, weathered by this trial, continued to teach me to love. But I was still unaware of much of their potential and needed to have my eyes opened even wider.

Then I met Phillip. He and I recognized right away that we have a lot in common and we struck up an almost immediate friendship. At first, I couldn't see him as more than a friend because of his challenge with SSA, but it became apparent to me, after a short time, that he saw us as more than friends—something I had barely hoped for. I was amazed by this opportunity as I would have never imagined myself dating another man who deals with same-sex attraction after my experience with John, but here I am. We were able to be together for the small amount of time before he left on his mission. Now we correspond and he continues to teach me so much about loving someone, not "despite" their challenge, but for who they are. I couldn't rely on my preconceived ideas about this relationship because it was so unexpected. I see now that my perceptions about those who deal with same-sex attraction have been changed again. My vision is expanding to consider more of the Lord's possibilities for all of us.

Before he left, Phillip shared the words of Rainier Maria Rilke with me concerning our duty to love one another, which is not always easy: "To love is also good, for love is difficult. For one human being to love another is perhaps the most difficult task of all, the epitome, the ultimate test. It is that striving for which all other striving is merely preparation." I hope to continue to be prepared by the Lord as opportunities to expand my vision present themselves. I hope that I can love as the Savior did and see each person for who they are. Acceptance of the Lord's will is the key to loving ourselves and others, when we can understand that "the Spirit beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God" (Romans 8:16) and love one another accordingly.

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