Community Voices

"Ours is A Ministry Of Healing": Addressing the Aftermath of Proposition 8

By Leanne Anderson
San Juan Capistrano, California, USA

This essay is an edited version of a Sacrament meeting address given on November 16, 2008.

It's been an interesting experience to be involved in the recent election, to say the least. Many of us responded to the invitation from the First Presidency to "do all [we] can" to help pass Proposition 8 in California. We spent many hours, offered many prayers, participated in many discussions and activities which were meant to inform others about the seriousness of this moral issue.

However, now the election is over, and with the passage of Proposition 8 there are many who are angry and hurt and deeply wounded—on both sides of the issue. As we see from daily press reports, the controversy is not behind us. Not by a long shot.

Some are wounded not because the proposition did or did not pass, but because in the heat of the debate, many felt that unkind, thoughtless, and untrue things were said on both sides.

The issue became and remains divisive, and the issue is taking on national importance, so many of you reading this have been touched by it in one way or another.

In my opinion, what I think is most important to talk about now is healing.

I have prayed and worked hard to know how to express myself in an honest and Christ-like way. I am not qualified to try to explain or represent adequately either side of this issue—I know I have as much to learn as anyone. I say that not to diminish the important issues at stake in this question, because I know it matters a lot to many people who are reading this. But I pray for the Spirit to be with me as I write this. I pray that He will speak to our minds and hearts what it is each of us needs to feel and learn from this experience.

Appreciating the Need for Healing

When there is great healing to be done, then it necessarily follows that there are deep wounds, and most of the wounds we see this time are from wounded relationships. We must recognize that much of the passion around this issue comes from these deep wounds. And so our most pressing question should be, How do we help heal those wounds? More important than winning a debate, we need to ask how we can address the wounds behind these deep feelings. Only if we understand the wounds can we repair the damage many people feel from this election.

Obviously, both sides of this issue need healing, but since I think most of my audience comprises those Church members who supported Proposition 8, I will focus primarily on this point of view, though I hope those who opposed it will also find helpful ideas here.

The Healing Ministry of Jesus

I've been asking myself, "What would the Savior do?" I think that is an important way to begin asking how we can help people on either side heal. As I was pondering this, I was reminded of how He interacted with all of the imperfect people with whom He lived and spent time. I realized that we all struggle with wanting to be better than we are. We are all mixed up, misunderstood, and wounded at some point in our lives.

The way Christ helps us is almost always through another person—He sends someone He trusts to represent Him. Perhaps it's a friend, a family member, a teacher, a neighbor, a bishop, or even a stranger. The Savior was always extraordinarily kind to those who were struggling with all kinds of troubles and burdens. And so I feel strongly that the way we treat others is in fact the way we treat Him. He is the one to whom we are being kind and gentle.

In Matthew 25 we are reminded to feed the hungry, to give drink to the thirsty, to take in the stranger, to clothe the naked, and so on. As His disciples we should want to serve others, to do what He would do. As we do so, it's as if we do it to Him and not just for Him.

Mother Teresa wrote a poem, titled "Joy", about living and serving as Jesus did. These are the last few lines:

loving as He loves,
helping as He helps,
giving as He gives,
serving as He serves,
rescuing as He rescues...
touching Him in His distressing disguise...

We have likely all had occasion to be in a "distressing disguise." Probably not the same one Mother Teresa saw most of her fifty year ministry among the poor of the streets of Calcutta. But a distressing disguise that eventually caused us to struggle and weep in silence, in our need for Christ's healing balm.

Our Covenant to Mourn and to Comfort

So what do we do to help the healing—in our own hearts if that is needed, and in the hearts of others?

First, as a covenant people, we are distinguished by the fact that we keep our covenants. And one of the covenants we make at baptism is to mourn with those who mourn. We comfort those who are in need of comfort. We bear burdens with others, making them lighter and more bearable as we can. There is no mention in Mosiah 18 of only comforting or bearing burdens for those who think just like we do, those who are perfect and worthy of our attention, those we like best and enjoy being around.

Next, we respond to the hunger and thirst Jesus talked about in the verses in Matthew. Realize that the deepest hunger and thirst comes from a desire to be loved, to be understood, to be listened to.

Then, remember those who are naked who need to be clothed—in our case, we can clothe them with charity, with gentleness, with defense from those who make the wounds deeper and worse.

When we were baptized we took upon ourselves the name of Christ. In other words we are to act as He would act—like Christians in all we do and say to everyone. This includes our enemies, our neighbors, our same-gender attracted friends (both those in the Church and in the gay and lesbian community), and our loved ones. We are able to do this even if we do not have a complete spiritual, legal, psychological, or political understanding, because complete understanding isn't a requirement to love.

We can do so because we are acting in the name of our Savior, who does know and understand all. As Elder Holland taught,

"Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucifixion and Atonement, I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now. When He says to the poor in spirit, 'Come unto me,' He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way."

Healing the Wounds of Our Same-gender Attracted Loved Ones

Many members of the Church who have been deeply wounded are those who are same-gender attracted. Some of these members are faithful, active members of wards and stakes, and yet some of them were encouraged by their priesthood leaders to stay home from church until after November 4th because of unkind things that were being said about them in their own wards. Others are same-gender attracted but have chosen to live a different life outside of Church standards, though they may still identify with portions of their LDS faith and upbringing. Some of these individuals have families who love them and embrace them. Others have families who have disowned them. Either way, the families have also been wounded. Families hurt when their loved one is hurting.

In my limited understanding, I believe one reason why so many LDS families have been so wounded over Proposition 8 is that LDS teens (and young adults) don't know what to do with feelings that don't go along with the doctrine they so much want to be obedient to. In addition to that, they're afraid to say anything about those feelings to their parents or priesthood leaders for fear they will be disowned, or cut off from the very church and faith in which they have been raised. These internal conflicts can lead to real tragedy, as these young people can try to resolve this conflict by resorting to unhealthy addictions or even self-harm such as suicide.

As ordinary members, our assignment is not to be a judge. Bishops have that calling, and aren't we glad it's our Bishop and not us who are called and set apart to judge, rather than us? Instead, we are called to be neighbors, good Samaritans, Christians, friends to everyone.

Heavenly Father knows who the wounded are, and He also knows what we can do to help. He wants us to minister to each other—to help bind up the wounds, repair the relationships, calm those who are troubled.

Like many of you I have a few family members who are same-gender attracted. This has been a really trying time for our family. Wounds abound and healing will take time. One of my nephews who is not currently living Church standards just hoped through all of this that the family could understand that proposition 8 was a difficult issue for him and others like him.

In Proverbs 17:17 we read: "A friend loveth at all times and a brother is born for adversity." Were we the brothers and sisters we needed to be for these family members? Were we as sensitive to what they were feeling as we should have been? It is possible to do this while still being honest with them about our beliefs and Church standards.

My dear friend with a same-gender attracted son sees part of her stewardship for this son as an opportunity to learn not to judge—to be loving, accepting, embracing. She hopes to protect this son from being isolated and misunderstood. She wonders what it would be like if her ward members could share in this—if all could listen to the Spirit and be kind and loving to each other. "Throw an arm around me, not a stone at me," is what many of them ask.

In John 13 we learn that if we are Christ's disciples we will love one another as He loves us.

Healing Through Serving

A friend of mine, who is at BYU, and who has gay family members, shared with me an experience he had as he went home teaching a few days ago. Proposition 8 came up, which he didn't feel much like contributing to. Then they got to the lesson, which included King Lamoni and his conversion. My friend commented on the fact that when Ammon was first brought before King Lamoni, Ammon didn't try to share his beliefs or tell King Lamoni the way he was living was wrong. King Lamoni wouldn't have listened—he would likely have just killed Ammon. But Ammon had the Spirit with him. He knew he had to serve king Lamoni first. Following Ammon's devoted service—only then did King Lamoni ask to be taught the truths that only someone with the knowledge and testimony of an Ammon could teach him. I feel that is an excellent analogy to our teaching about families in regard to Proposition 8.

How much healing could be done in our families, wards, neighborhoods, and so on if we could first find ways to serve each other?

We have many opportunities to do this—our ward and stake do a great job of providing us with humanitarian service opportunities. We'll soon have "Mormon Helping Hands" vests so we will be more visible. We are a service-oriented people. We need to be seen as such instead of what the media is portraying us as right now. Then this love of service needs to work its way back into our neighborhoods, homes, and ward families.

A Doctrine of Inclusion

Elder M. Russell Ballard said,

"[Jesus] clearly teaches that we are all neighbors and that we should love, esteem, respect, and serve one another despite our deepest differences—including religious, political, and cultural differences.... That is our doctrine—a doctrine of inclusion. That is what we believe. That is what we have been taught. Of all people on this earth, we should be the most loving, the kindest, and the most tolerant because of that doctrine."

This may be a time when through our actions and example we have the opportunity to heal through inclusion. This may include our children and families but also others. When the Savior was visiting the Americas after His resurrection, He asked that they not cast anyone out of their meetings:

"Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your synagogues, or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them" ( 3 Nephi 18:32).

We can only be disciples of Christ when we respond to everyone in a Christ-like manner. To do less opens our actions to the influence of the Adversary and would only hurt everyone.

Promoting Healing Through Supporting Civil Rights

A press release posted on the Church's Newsroom website reads:

"Allegations of bigotry or persecution made against the Church were and are simply wrong. The Church's opposition to same-sex marriage neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians. Even more, the Church does not object to rights for same-sex couples regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights, so long as these do not infringe on the integrity of the traditional family or the constitutional rights of churches" (emphasis added).

Depending on where we live, we may have the opportunity to join in helping to make sure these rights are granted or that laws are applied as they should be. Think of the healing we could accomplish as we did something like this visibly as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In the General Relief Society meeting this year, President Deiter F. Uchtdorf gave a beautiful message. Among other things he said:

"In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance. Let us open our eyes and see the heavy hearts, notice the loneliness and despair; let us feel the silent prayers of others around us, and let us be an instrument in the hands of the Lord to answer those prayers."

Ultimately, only the Savior can completely heal wounds. He is the Great Physician. But He allows us to help.

"Ours is a Ministry of Healing"

More regrettable than the wounds of being accused of hatred or of not being Christian would be for us to react to what is happening currently in an un-Christ-like way. In all situations and circumstances, we must be—in heart, word, and deed—the "peaceable followers of Christ" ( Moroni 7:3). For healing to happen, taking counsel from Elder Robert D. Hales' address from the October 2008 General Conference would be helpful. He told us:

"As we respond to others, each circumstance will be different. Fortunately, the Lord knows the hearts of our accusers and how we can most effectively respond to them. As true disciples seek guidance from the Spirit, they receive inspiration tailored to each encounter. And in every encounter, true disciples respond in ways that invite the Spirit of the Lord. Paul reminded the Corinthians that his preaching was 'not with the enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power' ( 1 Corinthians 2:4). Because that power resides in the Spirit of the Lord, we must never become contentious when we are discussing our faith. As almost every missionary learns, Bible bashing always drives the Spirit away. The Savior has said, 'He that hath the spirit of contention is not of me' ( 3 Nephi 11:29). More regrettable than the Church being accused of not being Christian is when Church members react to such accusations in an un-Christlike way!" (emphasis in original).

There is no better conclusion to my thoughts here than this statement from President Hinckley:

"Ours is a ministry of healing, with a duty to bind the wounds and ease the pain of those who suffer. Upon a world afflicted with greed and contention, upon families distressed by argument and selfishness, upon individuals burdened with sin and troubles and sorrows, I invoke the healing power of Christ, giving my witness of its efficacy and wonder."

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