Community Voices

The Sanctification of Marriage and Families

By Bishop Michael J. Merchant
Mesa, Arizona, USA

This essay was originally presented as a Stake Conference address given on November 1, 2008.

A few weeks ago, Gaylene and I had the privilege of being present as our fourth child, Madelyn, received her Patriarchal Blessing in the home of Patriarch and Sister Linford. We count the experiences of our children receiving their patriarchal blessing as some of the most spiritual experience we have had as parents—as our eyes are opened and we come see our children in a way our Heavenly Father sees them. It has profoundly influenced how we parent them.

It is my prayer that as I share my testimony with you today, our eyes will be opened and it will influence how we regard our spouse, children and our single brothers and sisters.

We are here upon this earth so that we may qualify to inherit the Kingdom of God and live in His presence with our families.

Ordained Laws

The Prophet Joseph Smith tells us that "God ordained laws whereby they might advance and progress and become like Him." Those laws included the creation of this earth; they included the receipt of a mortal body where we could be tried and tested in a probationary state and receive experiences impossible to gain in any other way; they included the opportunity to choose between right and wrong, to do good or to do evil, the opportunity to grow and advance in the things of the spirit.

Bruce R. McConkie said,

"We started out on this course in the premortal life. Now we are down here taking the final examination for all the life that we lived back then, which also is the entrance examination for the realms and kingdoms that are ahead."

While in this probationary state we find that we, "...all have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). We must therefore be a way that we can be sanctified—in other words, freed from sin and made holy as, "...no unclean thing can inherit the kingdom of heaven." (Alma 11:37)

The laws of sanctification include the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ and the opportunity to enter into a marriage and have families that has the potential of being eternal.

It is of the sanctification of marriage and families that I desire to speak to you tonight—the purification that comes by abiding in the new and everlasting covenant.

Marriage and Family

In section 42 of the Doctrine and Covenants (Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Kirtland, Ohio February 9, 1831), the revelation entitled "The Law of the Church": we are given the commandment "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else." (D&C 42:22.)

In section 49 of the Doctrine and Covenants (Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet at Kirtland, Ohio March 1831) we learn the basic administrative announcement relative to our dispensation:

"Verily I say unto you, [saith the Lord,] that whoso forbiddeth to marry is not ordained of God, for marriage is ordained of God unto man.

"Wherefore, it is lawful that he should have one wife, and they twain shall be one flesh, and all this that the earth might answer the end of its creation;

"And that it might be filled with the measure of man, according to his creation before the world was made." (D&C 49:15–17)

Why Marriage and Family

In Section 1 of the Doctrine and Covenants (Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, during a special conference of the elders of the Church, held at Hiram, Ohio November 1, 1831—five months after the revelation given in Doctrine and Covenants sections 49), which "constitutes the Lord's Preface to the doctrines, covenants, and commandments in this dispensation" we learn how a covenant marriage and raising children sanctifies us.

"Wherefore, I the Lord, knowing the calamity which should come upon earth called upon Joseph Smith, Jun., and gave him commandments:

"...these commandments are of me, and were given unto my servants in their weakness, after the manner of their language, that they might come to understanding.

"And inasmuch as they erred it might be made known;

"And inasmuch as they sought wisdom they might be instructed;

"And inasmuch as they sinned they might be chastened, that they might repent;

"And inasmuch as the were humble the might be made strong, and blessed from on high, and receive knowledge from time to time." (D&C 1:17, 1:24-28)

It is my testimony that unlike any other relationship on this earth, it is only in a marriage and in raising children that we "come to understanding," discovered the errors of our ways, have to seek "wisdom" and "instruction", are "chastened" and invited to "repent" and are humbled that we "might be made strong, and blessed from on high, and received knowledge from time to time."

I received a letter once from a mother who said she had eight children. Seven of them married in the Temple, five of them college graduates. She said, "If I ever live with God again, it will not be because of the seven, it will be because of the eight." She spoke of a daughter with two children out of wedlock and a heroin addiction. And then explained—that it is because of her (the eight) she has learned to do God's will and not her own, it is because of her she has felt Savior's love, it is because of her she learned what it means to forgive and be forgiven—"she is my gift."

Gaylene and my children are my greatest gifts—it is their love that reveals my sins and it is their needs that invite me out of myself.

I cannot tell you how many times, Gaylene has asked me for a priesthood blessing—where it has required me to repent and humble myself so that I may exercise my priesthood.

It is not the event of entering in the New and Everlasting Covenant that qualifies is to live with God—it is abiding in the covenant that sanctifies us. It is where we learn to give all that we have (including our sins) in behalf of someone else, and most often that someone is our spouse or a member of our family.

In return, we are promised: "thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths" (D&C 132: 19)

To Those Who May Not Marry in this Life

But what of those in the Church who have not entered into the New and Everlasting Covenant of marriage and do not have children of their own.

Elder Russell M Nelson stated in our most recent General Conference:

"Be we all reminded that, in the Lord's own way and time, no blessings will be withheld from His faithful Saints. The Lord will judge and reward each individually according to heartfelt desire as well as deed."

In the light of the marriage initiative in our state, I would like to speak of a particular group of our Heavenly Father's children who are not married—those who have same gender attraction.

It is my hope that we will do all we can to protect the institution of marriage for it has a divine purpose; however, we must not assume that all who have same-gender attraction are the opposition. Many people with same gender attraction have strong testimonies of the gospel.

And, we must not confuse love with tolerance—in other words, by showing kindness and openness to our brothers and sisters with same gender attraction we will be promoting lifestyles contrary to our Heavenly Father’s plan—I believe the opposite is true—it is only in the face of love where those who struggle find our way—anything else only gives justification for sin—is not that true of all of us?

In the Church pamphlet God Loveth His Children, it says:

"In some circumstances a person defers marriage because he or she is not presently attracted to a member of the opposite gender. While many Latter-day Saints through, individual effort, the exercise of faith, and the reliance upon the enabling power of the Atonement, overcome same-gender attraction in mortality, others may not be free of this challenge in this life. However, the perfect pan of our Father in Heaven makes provision for individuals who seek to keep His commandments but who, through no fault of their own, do not have an eternal marriage in mortal life. As we follow Heavenly Father's plan our bodies, feelings, and desires will be perfected in the next life so that every one of God's children may find joy in a family consisting of a husband, a wife, and children.

"All of Heavenly Father's children desire to love and be loved, including many adults who, for a variety of reasons, remain single. God assures His Children, including those who currently attracted to persons of the same gender, that their righteous desires will eventually be fully satisfied in God's own way and according to His timing."

Many that I know who have same gender attraction are some of the most amazingly talented and gifted people I know. They have much to offer. It is my hope that rather than see them as less we look for their greatness and find opportunities for them to serve and bless our lives.

In the April 1999, General Conference Robert D. Hales said,

"What if you are single or have not been blessed with children? Do you need to be concerned with the counsel regarding families? Yes. It is something we all need to learn in earth life. Unmarried adult members can often lend special kind of strength to the family, becoming a tremendous source of support, acceptance, and love to their families and the families of those around them.

"Many adult members of the extended family do much parenting in their own right. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, cousins, and other family members can have great impact on the family. Sometimes extended family members can say things that parents cannot say."

I want to express my gratitude for members of my extended family—including those who have same gender attraction who have guided me by their example and testimony. The have been a great blessing to Gaylene and our children—much of their goodness comes from their influences.

It is my testimony that marriage and family are ordained of God for the sanctification of man. That the measure of how we live the gospel of Jesus Christ will not be in how we treat those who believe the same way we do, it will be by how we love and care for those who are different that us. It is also my testimony that we have a living prophet upon the earth—and that we will find peace living by his counsel.

Community Voices consists of submissions from men and women in the North Star community. Take a moment to read other Community Voices, or find out how you can get involved by submitting your own essay.