Second Annual
Women of Worth Interactive Conference

July 17-18, 2009
Salt Lake City, Utah

Conference Summary: Boundaries

This year's conference focused setting and maintaining personal boundaries. So often, we as women, hard wired to take care of others, forget that we have the right and responsibility of taking care of our boundaries so that we are able to take care of ourselves.

We began the conference asking participants why they came to this conference. We wanted everyone to find clarity within themselves regarding their purpose for the weekend. Our goal was that as the weekend progressed, participants could look for ways that their purpose was being met, or could create opportunities to have them met.

Just as last year, our first session of the conference was "How To Be Happy In Spite Of or Because Of SSA In Your Home." This topic helped each one of us recognize that there are many positive outcomes due to our situation. The main thing that most of us took away from this session, or rather conversation, was that because the SSA causes us to talk about difficult things, our marriages are positively affected because that open communication can spill over into every other aspect of our marriages. We find that the SSA doesn't have to be viewed solely as a negative attribute in our marriage, but that we can find ways we can have it help our marriages, if we let it.

Our next session was a survey of personal boundaries. Chrystal took us through several exercises which helped us recognize where we were or weren't maintaining our boundaries. Each of us was surprised with our results. Often we didn't realize where we were lacking boundaries, or where in some cases, our boundaries were strong. The final exercise helped us not only get to know ourselves better, but helped to form a bond as participants, which helped us help one another throughout the rest of the conference.

We began the second day with a form of meditation which was very powerful for many in attendance. For one participant, this was the most powerful event of the weekend. Through this exercise, she was able to confront many fears she had been holding on to since she was very young and move through and conquer some of them. It was a wonderful way to start the day as a group.

Christy Cox then presented an educational session on boundaries. As she spoke with us, she helped us understand that sometimes asking why things are the way they are, can help us connect the dots in our lives and thus help us make the changes necessary for us to move out of destructive patterns. While referring to help, therapeutic or otherwise, she made a very profound statement, "We cannot receive council (help), until we feel we are understood." That was also compared to our marriages; we cannot receive help from our spouse until we feel we are understood. And just as importantly, we cannot help our husbands until we understand them and their situations.

Peggy Matheson led us through a powerful six-step pattern reframe. She began by helping us understand what emotional clearing work is and can do for us. She quoted Carol Tuttle, "The physical plains on the earth have been cleared. And now our job is to clear the emotional plains." She explained that because of the hardship and the hard physical stuff that our ancestors had to go through, they never got rid of their emotional stuff." She continued by saying that she believed that as we clear that emotional stuff in ourselves, it goes all the way back and all the way forward. So in that present moment, we had the opportunity to make a big impact by letting go and allowing others to let go." Those participating agreed that after this process, they were able to create positive emotional shifts within themselves.

David Matheson returned again this year, giving another wonderful presentation on the ways SSA can be caused and different modalities for treatment. Throughout the presentation, he encouraged questions and comments from those in the room and many came away from this presentation with greater clarity and compassion for their husbands and their struggles. Many were grateful for the opportunity to ask questions of a therapist with such a great understanding for their situation.

Our panel of men (two men with same sex attraction and two without) was another success this year. The panel was asked pointed questions ranging from, "What are you attracted to when it comes to women?" to "Does it bother you when your wife initiates sex?" and everything in between. Our gracious panel answered each question given to them with honesty, sensitivity, and when needed, with a sense of humor." The participants were thankful for the opportunity to ask some difficult questions they might not have been able to ask their husbands, and others asked questions to find out if their husband was like others.

Near the end of the conference, we came back to our personal boundary surveys and analyzed them in small groups. Many participants were amazed to recognize that they had already begun to see where they might be able to strengthen their boundaries and stand committed to maintaining them. From the exercises and presentations in the conference, they understood that boundaries are not only good, but necessary; and through maintaining personal boundaries, they will help strengthen their marriages and other relationships.

(We had 15 attendees ranging from some who had been married for 25+ years, to those that were in dating relationships. Some women had known about their husband's struggle for 20+ years and others had found out earlier this year.The range of emotions included those that had been betrayed multiple times to those that hadn't had any betrayal in their relationship yet and the severity of the betrayal ranged from text messaging inappropriate comments to looking at porn to having sex with a friend or stranger.)